Fear She Comes
Fear came stomping down my hallway this morning, making her looming presence known and demanding my attention. She said, “Chelley, what have you done, and what are you going to do?” Just like that, the Universe took me by the hand, stopped me from spinning, and whispered in my ear. She said, “girl...you’ve got this”.
I am a strong believer in signs. I see and hear them all the time, often giving a little fist bump and wink to the Universe whenever I receive them, as if to say, “I see what you did there! Thank you!”. I feel I’ve been connected enough to my intuition lately that I get these messages more frequently and they always seem to come at the perfect time.
The morning I had chosen as the announcement date of the departure from my job was a prime example of this. The fear that tackled me that day almost convinced me to back out entirely. It was at that moment I glanced at my Facebook feed and saw a video pop up from one of my favorite sources of information. It was a TEDx talk called “The ability to re-frame risk” and watched it in its entirety, captivated and inspired. The floodgates had opened and I knew this message was meant for me. It was exactly what I needed to get myself back on track and I followed through on my decision as scheduled.
Today was the first time I’d let dread set in since making my decision to leap into the unknown. With terror I asked myself what would be waiting for me when I got back from my two week trip to New York, and from my retreat meant to focus on connecting with myself. Should I give up that "me" time and start searching for a job now? Again, I opened my phone and the right inspiration came at the perfect time.
One of my favorite spiritual teachers, Martha Beck, greeted me with this beautiful message:
“There’s magic in transitional times. In the moments when we’re no longer what we were, but not yet what we will become, we can chose to be anything.”
- Martha Beck
Touché, Martha. This swift kick in the booty reminded me not to go back into a fear based mode where decisions are made in a state of panic. Nothing fruitful comes from this and magic does not exist in this space. I will enjoy the heck out of spending these next two weeks savoring life and really paying attention to the sounds of my own heart, speaking to me even more loudly as I give it the space to be heard. I will focus more on dreaming of what life could be and less about worrying how my next step will reveal itself.
I continued to scroll down my mailbox and received this little white-gloved slap across my cheek, from Madisyn Taylor of DailyOm, within a piece titled “Fighting Against our Gifts”.
“...resistance to actualizing ourselves has very concrete consequences, and many of us have been called out of hiding by an illness or a twist of fate that unequivocally dismantled our resistance. In other the words, the universe knocks, and if we don't answer it knocks louder.”
This is basically what I have been explaining to everyone about why I threw myself into the hallway! I didn’t want to be forced to make the choice I knew I had to make sooner or later.
Followed by this nugget:
“The first step on the journey to our calling in life is to listen to our internal voices and respond to the knocking universe at the door. As we do, the symptoms and anxieties that have haunted us will fade into the background, replaced by opportunities, both big and small, to open the door to what we are truly here to do.”
Way to compliment Martha’s message, Madisyn! I am listening and I will continue to trust that I am being sent on the path that is uniquely meant for me.
As if that weren’t enough, my DailyOm Horoscope arrived, and with the old 1, 2 (and 3) punch, and it knocked me out with this message for Aquarians titled “Promise of the Journey”:
“You may feel meditative today, with a desire to reflect and ponder your life journey. You may be questioning your spiritual path or considering some new goals to add a greater sense of fulfillment to your life. If you can set aside some quiet time to honor this calling, you should be able to expand your awareness and discover valuable insights about yourself.
One thing you may want to remember is that you don't need to have all the answers today. While you can certainly begin exploring your thoughts and feelings and thinking more about your dreams for the future, you can also embrace the process of personal discovery and savor each step of the journey.”
Roger that, Universe! I will be patient, I will continue to listen to my inner knowing, and I will enjoy the process. My deepest gratitude to you.