New York State of Mind, Body, and Spirit
It’s a Wednesday morning, and I’ve had this Southampton beach almost to myself for hours. The water is cold and I’m too scared to fully submerge myself in the Atlantic. Mother Nature has other plans and aggressively knocks me on my butt with an enormous wave, as if to say “If you don’t jump in and go with the flow, life’s gonna force you in and you won’t have a choice on how it happens.” Thank you. Noted.
This is the “be still” portion of my time in the hallway, and I'm constantly reminding myself to be present. Remembering this, I set my timer for ten minutes and four seconds to tune in and meditate, a temporary reprieve from the mental noise. This is difficult for me. Having control of situations has always given me a sense of security but doesn't always produce the desired results. I can’t force the answers to come so I’m sitting with myself, awaiting the next step, trying to stave off the panic of not having a job lined up for next month. I must remember I chose this. I’m still glad I did.
This trip to NYC was imagined for a few reasons, one being closure. It’s been almost 5 years since I’ve moved away and it was not until now that wanted to come back. There was too much pain around it. I suspect that after all these years of processing my journey it finally occurred to me that there were pieces of myself left behind. I wanted to visit the physical spaces of my old life and reclaim the missing pieces.
How does one do that, Chell? Great question. It has to do with ritual - visiting the location, letting the emotions arise, and then clearing them. I stop and fully remember the situation but bring love and compassion to myself, a reminder that I did the best I could at the time. I then send love and forgiveness to anyone associated with the memory that I perceived as being hurtful to me. I thank the Universe for the lessons, take the valuable information with me and leave the hurt behind. It no longer serves me and is forever released back into the ether.
My first taste of that was my walking tour of Astoria yesterday. A million memories, both little and life-changing, were revisited, felt, held and released. I replaced the remnants of sadness that remained with a new, joyful memory, grateful that those experiences helped turn me into the much wiser, and whole, woman I am today. I’ll revisit the Manhattan and Brooklyn chapters of my life in the coming days, but for now, I’m enjoying these thoughts rolling in as I watch the Atlantic waves roll out.
Whether we realize it or not, we carry around the energy of old wounds, even if we hardly think of them anymore or feel certain we’ve already dealt with them. The more I reconnect with my spiritual side the more I realize how important it is to reflect and to clear this old energy. It’s stagnant and heavy and takes up space in my body, mind and spirit that should be used for creating something new.
As I sit on this beach I am so grateful for the opportunity to have a fresh start any time I choose. I allow the waves to crash over my body, wiping my slate clean.